The Baptist Pastor Callback Tracker Device Thingy

So there’s this large unnamed Baptist church in West Ashley. It’s a special place, mostly for two reasons. They’re the only church in Charleston that does an annual “Judgement House” during Halloween, a religious equivalent of a haunted house that is designed literally scare the hell out of you and into the Caucasian arms of a dude playing Jesus. Yeah, I know. Not exactly the legacy you want to build a church on. Anyway, the other reason is that the pastor has not, in almost two years, returned any of my calls.

Now granted, it’s not like I call the guy a whole lot asking for man-dates at the Charleston Music Hall (currently showing “Rent”, which is well-done if you can stomach the plot), but I have called on numerous occasions for invitations to various community forums and debates. The reason being is that church does claim to have something like a politics and philosophy outreach called “Salt and Light Ministry” and the church’s name indicates a self-perception of grandiosity, so the pastor seemed like a logical person to call.

Now, I realize though I may wish I was a big deal, I’m not. I lack the pedigrees often required in the Holy City and I’m a young pup by most standards. But I’ve been blessed by some of the most important pastors in Charleston willing to sit down with me for hours over lunch and feed me their wisdom and insight--not that I would place this pastor in that tier. And even if I did, professional courtesy at least demands church leaders return other church leader’s calls, if only to politely decline.

But apparently I have not been found worthy. Voicemails, notes with the secretary, emails over the last two years have all come back void. Recently, I’ve left some kind of message over a period of multiple weeks three or four times now. You start to lose count. So now I’m going to start officially counting, and you can count with me. And to give the man the benefit of the doubt, we’ll start at three.

Let’s begin.